Tensions
by Crazy Is What Crazy Does
Summary: HIATUS Can you take the heat? Can you stand the tension? Can you, debate? Watch as the characters you've come to love and care for debate for what they somehow possibly think is right...R&R, PLEASE?


**Amazing isn't it? I thought I'd stopped writing but really all I needed was inspiration, and here it is! …A year later…**

**A/N-This story is rated for language.**

Disclaimer: Do I _look_ like J.K. Rowling? –Thought so (Please don't be dumb like my brother and note the sarcasm)

Tensions- Can you take the heat? Can you stand the tension? Can you, debate?

Chapter One: Harry Potter vs. Dean Thomas

And so here we are, in the Room of Discussion. Where we debate the going ons' of our favourite and most beloved Harry Potter characters.

My name is Malinda and I shall be your debate mistress for the day. I know you all love me, with my beautiful 'bob' hair cut, my sparkling ocean blue eyes, my chestnut brown hair and my cherry red nail polish, you mustn't forget my cherry red nail polish! CHERRY RED NAIL POLISH!

Today our victims-sorry, er, clients shall be the great Mr. Harry Potter himself and the not-so-important Dean Thomas-

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean!" interjected Dean oh so rudely. "I so did not 'interject oh so rudely'! You just wrote that to humiliate me!"

"Well no duh I wrote that to humiliate you, I mean like come on! I'm the friggen author here, not you!" said I oh so smugly (a/n; my name isn't really Malinda, but it's very close to it…sort of…), "And when you say what do I mean by the not-so-important Dean Thomas? Well just look at yourself! You didn't even make it onto the Quidditch team!"

"So…" Dean said, his face beginning to turn the colour of my beautiful cherry red nail polish, "You're getting off topic! We're supposed to be debating!"

"Pssshhhttt! Chill dude, I'm getting there!" I said oh so irritably. "I enjoy pissing off Dean…"

"Oi! I heard that!"

"You weren't supposed to! It says; '…I said under my breath…'"

"No it doesn't! Take a look for yourself!" he said jabbing his finger at the script.

"…F OFF!"

* * *

And now without further ado, I give you Harry Potter and Dean Thomas's debate:

"So tell me, which one of you lovely gentlemen would like to begin?" said Malinda tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.  
"Actually, I'd like to begin," said Dean raising his hand in recognition..

"Alright, go ahead Mr.Thomas."

"Harry, is it not true that you stole my girlfriend in sixth year?" Dean managed through gritted teeth.

"I didn't steal her! She broke up with you for being such a git so it meant nothing to your relationship when I kissed her after the Quidditch match because your relationship was over!" Harry shot back.

"What the bloody hell are you talking about! We were still in a relationship when you kissed her!" Dean's grip on the armchair tightened so much it looked ready to rip.

"Oh really? Then how is it that, that very morning Hermione told me that you and Ginny were over!" Harry yelled standing up from his armchair so fast that he knocked it over onto its side.

Dean stood up immediately, "Are you looking for a fight, Scar head?"

"Dunno, are you arse face?"

"Bring it, Potter! I doubt you could even beat up a first year!"

"Wtf are you talking about? I beat up Malfoy!"

"Oh yeah, I remember that one," Dean said laughing, thumping Harry on the back.

"Yeah, it was pretty good if I do say so myself," Harry said recalling the event.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING!" Malinda all but screeched.

"Uh, laughing…?" Harry winced, he knew all to well what was going to happen next…

"EXACTLY! BUT THAT ISN'T WHAT YOU SHOULD BE DOING! YOU SHOULD BE BEATING THE CRAP OUT OF EACH OTHER SO AS TO ENTERTAIN THE READERS! BUT NOOO, I'M NOT GONNA FOLLOW THE PLOT LINE, I'M GONNA GET ALL HAPPY- HAPPY WITH THE OPPOSING TEAM!" Her face was turning red with anger.

"Um, actually your Debate Mistress-ness, it's opposing person, you see…" Dean started, but stopped instantly at the murderous look in Malinda's eyes.

"I know very well what I see Dean…"she said in dangerous tones, "But I suggest that that you two get on with it, lest I should have to jinx you two into next year." Malinda finished in a sweet voice.  
"Yes, your Mistress-ness!" they replied in unison.

"That's better," she said smiling, "Now…where were we? Um, oh here we are!" Malinda said flipping madly through the pages of the script, "Oh yes, it says here that Harry has to punch you, Dean."

"Alright, BRING IT POTTER!" Dean said raising his fists.

Harry thrust a punch at Dean's head….

And missed dismally.

"Ew, you call that punch?" Malinda said filing her nails.

"True, your punch did suck ass you know," Dean put in.

"Oh shut up," Harry said rolling his eyes and crossing his arms in a most feminine manor. "I am not feminine!"

I snickered evilly because Harry could not hurt me for I AM A REAL PERSON!

"No shit you are!" Harry yelled to the ceiling, "Wait, if you said that you're a real person…does that mean you don't think I exist? Or Hogworts? Or magic?" he said in a hurt voice his eyes brimming with tears.

"No, of course I believe in magic and Hogworts and you! When I said a REAL person, it meant I HAVE A REAL LIFE! Unlike some people…coughYOUcough"

"What was that?" Harry's eyes narrowed.

"Um, nothing…Besides, I AM one of you! Haven't you ever wondered why Snape has always failed you in Potions?"

"But-but Snape's a man!" stammered Dean.

"Has it ever occurred to you he might be a _wo_-man?"

"NO!" Harry gasped dumbstruck.

"YES!" I answered in a mock dumbstruck voice.

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NO!" Harry said in the STILL dumbstruck voice.

Suddenly Severus Snape himself burst through the Room of Discussion door.

"You're going to have to pay for that you know, like literally," Malinda said still filing her nails.

"Cha, whatever!" Snape said in a TOTALLY girly voice, "I so did not just say that! AHEM! Back on topic, how dare you insult my sexuality. I am no more or less a man that Cormac McClaggen!"

"Well that's not very manly at all then, is it Snapey?" Harry said attempting to stifle his laughter. Dean had already cracked and was rolling around on the floor clutching his stomach as he laughed maniacally.

"I-I…I-" Snape started stuttering madly at a loss for words.

"Admit it! You ARE a girl!" Harry said pointing an accusing finger at his Potions teacher. By now, Dean had tears streaming down his face and his cheeks were aching from laughing so long, and not to mention Malinda had cracked up too.

"FINE! I ADMIT IT! I AM A WOMAN!" cried the Professor falling to his feet, hysterical tears streaming down his face.

"Now doesn't that make you feel better?" an air of triumph in Harry's voice.

And that concludes today's debate session.

* * *

**Next week on Tensions- Crabbe vs. Goyle, Who is stupider?**

**Review, you know it makes me happy. Or else I may have to torture someone other than Snape…MWAHAHAHAHA! TEE HEE HEE! BWAGAHAGAHAGA! –You can't stand my evil laughter can you?**


End file.
